wholly RUDE

Amidst the recrimination doom and gloom, death and depression it's worth taking a moment and trying to get a sense of perspective in this madness.

This video shows the Galactic Centre of the Milky Way, a big place, as viewed from our little suspended orb. Beautiful and awe inspiring - stick with the video, it's worth it...

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Now Michael [two Christian names, palindromic prat] Martin ain't so important now is he? Still a twat though...

Be back soon x

Broadly the criteria for naturalisation as a UK subject, or for example an Australian citizen, contains the caveat that you are able to speak and understand basic English.

Now that makes sense doesn't it? Quite simple, not too onerous and could not be interpreted as racist or unfair; road signs, public officials and laws all utilise English so it would be difficult to function otherwise.

Now look at this - an initiative by the much maligned HSE: Free health and safety advice for migrant workers at Aberdeen event

What do they have to say?

• Many migrant workers living in Scotland are not aware of their rights when it comes to safety at work. But workers from overseas have a vital role to play in Scotland's economy
• the law provides protection for all workers whether they are working here legally or not
• Further information on the Health and Safety of Migrant workers in Scotland can be found at http://www.hse.gov.uk/migrantworkers/index.htm. This page is available in 14 languages

If you want to work here legally, fair enough - you will have to learn English to function, if you couldn't speak English that would be a Health and Safety hazard, wouldn't it? Without English you would be unable to understand your health & safety induction, read signs, standard operating procedures or communicate with your co-workers; possibly endangering both yourself and your colleagues - you'd have thunk?

However if you are not here legally why, oh why, are we encouraging and educating you to "know your rights", equipping you to report your employer for comprise of such said rights or demand rectification; if the UK government are keen to advise you (as an illegal worker) of your rights in your own language at a local venue it's reasonable for you to assume it is OK to work here illegally, and scumbag employers are equally justified in the assumption that this is a tacit recognition of their right to employ illegals.

We as a country are spending our hard earned money to inform individuals working here illegally how to complain about or in the case of neglect make claims against legal residents and employers. And if you don't 'speaka da lingo', we will translate that into 14 different languages to make sure you understand just how to do it. Now I have paid for website translation, and it's pretty expensive to get a single language interpretation, but 14 languages? Why are we wasting money on this?

HSE; isn't the fact that they don't speak English (even rudimentary English) a Health and Safety issue in itself? In fact probably the reason that the workers don't understand their responsibilities in a safe working environment?

Fuckin hell, send the buggers back - or perhaps the HSE advisers should just ask them to make a little effort, presumably they came here because they understood the benefits of living and working in the UK - apply for a work permit or naturalisation and learn the language FFS, not a lot to ask...

I've just booked my car in for an MOT, and as usual was left feeling somewhat patronised by the 5 foot Lynx perfumed spanner monkey, age 10, in dirty overalls who sucked his teeth when I told him the type of car I own, observing "we don't see many of those, and the parts urny cheap missus". I only want an MOT?

So I've decided to have a little competition, what do you think I'll be charged for an MOT on a well looked after 2004, low mileage Subaru Impreza? The closest guess wins the mechanics obviously unused bollocks, or some Lynx...

Was reminded of a classic Viz moment:

June Spears taken for a £6,322 ride by her local garage.

The largest bill for fictitious work carried out on a woman's car by garage mechanics was one of £6,322.88 charged by Joskin Bros Motors Ltd. of Stevenage, Herts. (GB). Calling in for a routine service on her one-year-old Peugeot 305, Mrs. June Spears agreed to pay for, amongst other things, new trumpets (£725), cracked gangle pin (£1,785), realignment of main glib shaft (£2,268), new grommets (£112), set of hexagonal tag nuts and dangleberry adapter (£35) and new piss-take valves (£120). No work was actually carried out on the car during the six weeks that it spent at the garage but 4000 miles were put on the clock and she later received a speeding summons from Italian police.

I don't know if you've come across this website, but it's hard to describe my astonishment, no incredulity, no gobsmacked-ness - you get the idea; spluttering at the pretentious hubris and reaching for Roget.

So in keeping with their fine ideals I have started a group committing to eating a Vegan, just one a day - and yes your interpretation is valid Finbarr Saunders...

Sign up now, and let's have some fun whilst saving Gaia - just like pork I'm told, and completely organic.

Edit 14/3/09 09:00: Surprise surprise my group has been removed, will come up with another over the weekend.