Wednesday, 4 February 2009

British Internet to be closed due to special snow

An anonymous insider reports that Jacqui Smith, the Home Economics minister, convened a meeting of the emergency committee COBRA yesterday to review warnings issued by the Meteorological Office.

In an apparent confirmation Ms Smith announced at a press conference this morning "Due to a special kind of snow predicted to fall today across large swathes of the UK we have no option but to consider switching off the Internet"

"This is not unprecedented" she continued "We have in the past seen falls of special magnetic low friction leaves halting train services and magical underground snow brought the London Underground to its knees on Monday"

Environmentalist George Monbiot in an interview later confirmed that his global warming modeling predicts just such a phenomenon, he elaborated "Our models, constructed from the special high tech kind of Lego with a computer in it, show clearly that just prior to the end of days we will see a special kind of snow. This snow may or may not, through an as yet not understood process, redirect all Internet traffic to a single webserver in the basement of an disused Albanian string factory".

An Internet security expert from the advertising agency Google confirmed that they had been consulted by the Home Economics Office and had agreed to the shutdown "This poses a serious threat to our pay per click scripts which would normally generate 0.0005 cents income at typical UK Internet traffic levels each weekday. In order to protect our grossly inflated share price we felt we had no option but to support Herr Smits proposals to unplug the Interweb".

The single web page to which all web traffic will be redirected is reported to display the following image:


  1. "Special Snow"? is that the kind you snort?

    42 - the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

  2. 42 functioning brain cells detected during Smiths last CT scan. She has since been referred to one of the new dementia clinics opening in every town under Brown's latest policy of British Businesses for British High Streets.

    WV says its troozi

  3. Scunnert - 42 is the answer to everything! I am giving nothing away on the snow...

    TS - as many as that, old GB is in a better state than I credited. British Brain Cells for British Morons? After all Gordon is a ...

  4. Spooky, 42 is the street number of a house where I used to live.