Tuesday, 3 February 2009

British jobs for British workers - v2.0

Good news today, holiday firm Pontin's announced it is to invest £50m in its six UK sites, creating more than 2,000 jobs. The new posts will include catering, retail and bar staff as well as Blue Coats and will involve a mixture of full time, part time and seasonal positions.

So, as my contribution to the plight of the construction workers picketing throughout the UK, I have summarised below, all of the employment opportunities listed on the Pontins web site today:
Bar Assistants - Prestatyn (North Wales)
Allocationist - Blackpool (Lancashire)
Part Time Accommodation Cleaners Brean Sands - Brean Sands (Somerset)
Cashier Assistant - Blackpool (Lancashire)
Holiday Advisors / Receptionists - Blackpool (Lancashire)
Service Support Officer - Blackpool (Lancashire)

Or if you are a bit more of an extrovert you can audition as a Blue Coat.
Skilled scaffolders, welders, fitters, engineers, electricians and technicians throw down your placards and extinguish those braziers - we have plenty of British jobs for you.

For just above national minimum wage you can swap your physically demanding skilled job for the security of serving food or booze to drunken holidaymakers, harbouring resentment over the fact that they can't afford the usual jaunt to the Costa de Summit - or even cleaning or maintaining concentration camp style holiday venues throughout the UK.

Or, dare you dream? Perhaps you could successfully audition as a Bluecoat - taking the stage to warm up for one of the dazzling stellar acts regularly appearing at Pontins, entertainment luminaries such as; Joe Pasquale, Duncan James (ex Blue member i'm told), Toyah Wilcox, Bananarama, Go West or Odyssey (remember 'Native New Yorker').

All is not lost after all, just ignore the nasty Italians giving you the finger, and get your CV off to Pontins today.

Well done Gordon Brown, I must admit I doubted you; but today, without crowing, you came through and delivered British jobs for British workers...


  1. Pontins - I once went for a weekend at Minehead many years ago (possibly around 25+) and it was dreadful. I hear all the places are to be renovated and not before time.

    Thank gawd I'm too old to be a blue coat, the legs aren't the same these days.

  2. I wouldn't mind a job working behind the bar it wouldn't last long but it would be hugely enjoyable till i fell over.

  3. I fear these jobs aren't really worth bigging up - although I do fancy a bar job also niko, as much as you can consume till they fire you!

    I had the misfortune of spending a few days at Butlins Ayr years ago, enough to make one consider genocide as an acceptable form of social control.

  4. Niko working behind a bar?, christ with his mood swings he would be chucking the punters out like rag dolls, btw when Niko is in a strop he is bad for your health.

    I would love a job as a butlins blue coat. I can just see me up on stage right now struttung my stuff. Clara application form please..

  5. Yet more menial jobs to go along with Asda, Morrisons,Tesco and Subway.
    Anyway, it should provide employment for all those university graduates out there.

  6. And come the winter ? Off to the Cheshire salt mines to make sure that our Local Councils don't run out again.