Friday, 16 October 2009

Rare species spotted in Springburn


Political spotters, or twatchers, are flocking to catch a glimpse of a blue bird seldom seen in north east Glasgow. The (Callme) Callmedavius is a species of the Corvidae family, and a close relation to the Magpie - prone to collecting shiny valuable items, extremely rare in deprived urban areas, with a distinctive droning call.

Annabel, of Bishopton, the Sheriff of Renfrewshire, who was lost, said she knew the bird by its colour and how its beak made it appear that it was looking down on everybody..

Ruth Davidson, who lives nowhere near north east Glasgow said: "People didn't think I was right, because you don't see them in Springburn. Then people started to listen, they looked as well and saw it too, despite it flying through at an incredible speed, right through a bakery. I think it was looking for Panini, but it's Glasgow, there was only pies".

Callmedavius became extinct in Scotland in the middle of the 20th Century, and until recently was only found in the Home Counties and Middle England where it has bred successfully with stupid females impressed by their shiny collections.
A BBC Scotland political editor Mr Blobby said "I had never seen a Callmedavius because they are normally down south and tend to avoid fat pink spotty Scottish journalists like the plague"
"We were in the pub, The Tun, when I heard one had been spotted, its a day I'll never forget"
...commented a journalist from the Herald
"but I said, 'I don't think so'. A man said 'you calling me a liar beardy?' and I said 'well why would one be in Glesca' and then he paneled me with a drip tray".
...he continued
"As I was picking my teeth out ma beard a man who was sitting nearby, called Eon Mcsomething, said he was sure it was due to a magnetic flux error, and went on to explain, in depth - for a very long time actually - that burds can navigate using magnetic maps in their beaks, he'd read it in a lengthy article in the National Geographic, I left two hours later, he was still droning on - but nobody was listening. A'm no sayin' he was boring but he made wummin mud-wrestling look like competitive tartan paint dryin'"
The only other record of a sighting this century was two years ago, when it was believed the same individual got lost after eating some cannabis leaves, without inhaling.  He was repatriated to Witney (where he doesn't live) when he straightened out and realised there were no shiny valuable things anywhere north of the Watford Gap.

A Salmon, interviewed in Inverness was quoted as saying "who gives a fuck"...

No comments:

Post a Comment