Monday, 30 November 2009

The Defenestration of an Independence Referendum

Read all about it here...  (if you can stand the bitter recrimination)

So the SNP threw their principal manifesto commitment out of the window - seemingly a big boy did it and ran away, it's not their fault - how could they have anticipated opposition from; well, erm - the opposition?

The SNP have expended considerable energy delivering a few other vote winning manifesto commitments, but blame the 'others' for not being able to deliver their principal one, their raison d'être - a commitment diluted and now unrecognisable from the ambitious promises made in the run up to the election.

I suspect, from the wording of this document, that there is little likelihood of independence this time around.  However the party would respectfully like those motivated by that one prime mover to vote SNP in 2007, to vote SNP again in 2011. Next time around, you see, they will guarantee independence - see what a sniff of power does? Once tasted you just can't give it up.

Politicians - just cannot desist from that grubby power grab...

Sunday, 29 November 2009

The great St Andrew's day forgery

Joan McAlpine like many within the SNP stripe that dominates Scottish blogging are reflecting today on the second assassination of an SNP blogger within a week.  Rumours abound that the Scottish news media are involved in a conspiracy to discredit the SNP, well I'm not convinced.  On the most basic level the SNP are the government and I wonder why it comes as a surprise to their supporters that they attract bigger headlines than the opposition - wasn't it ever this way?  There is more to it than that however - and it's a much more fundamental problem for the SNP.

The outing of Mike Russell's Constituency Office Manager today in the Herald and Scotsman is a very different story from that of Wardog last week.  As I noted in this previous post, in response to a comment left on another blog, there is now a clamour within the grubby grasping mainstream media to "challenge bloggers" - irrespective of party allegiances, and their action today confirms this - so why the apparent focus on the SNP?

It may be in search of cheap column inches, as I believe it was in Wardog's case, but this week there was a scalp worth collecting and differs little from the Damien McBride affair in substance as far as the Scottish news media are concerned.  The SNP blogging community are all too often quick to smear other bloggers, the mainstream media, politicians - in fact anybody who raises their head above the parapet and dares utter a supportive opinion on the "United Kingdom", an epithet so despised by nationalists.  This aggressive stance makes them high visibility "easy targets" for our moribund press.

The SNP lack political ideology, they are a single-issue party whose members and supporters come from a range of political philosophies, with one thing in common; the false constructs of "nationhood" & "ethnicity" often drawn from greed, self interest or a belief in some bizarre form of geographically endowed superiority. All concepts which have been, and will continue to be, at the root of much of the death and disaster throughout mankind's shabby tenure on this planet. Their disparate, and often desperate, grass root support are a band of voices who will brook no dissent on the Independence question and are extremely effective at garnering animosity in equal amounts to their own from those whom they alienate; perhaps that is in the nature of those who can believe in an illogical "superiority" philosophy - could it be that in their hearts the SNP supporters see the flaws and feel compelled to scream more loudly to compensate?  That noise-level alone will ensure that SNP blogs will be the Scottish news media's targets of choice, it's not their flawed ideology but its delivery - their press a mirror image of their own intolerance.

It's the patron saint of Scotland's "day" tomorrow and the SNP will release a document on how they intend to forge a Scottish national identity.  Well I have news for you Mr Salmond - as far as I'm concerned nationalism is a forgery - as for geographical saints and medieval god-bothering? ...don't get me started

Friday, 27 November 2009

Happy Birthday Rap

This is the first rap song I ever heard, in fact the first rap track anybody living outside of the Bronx had heard. Rapper's Delight was a hit in the UK and US, and is now 30 years young...

It wasn't just rap the Sugarhill Gang started, the song is acknowledged as the first commercial hit to sample; a loop from the awesome disco act Chic's "Good Times" is the backbone of this track. The group are still gigging - I wonder if the Sugarhill Gang knew what they were starting all those years ago? 'njoy...

Thanks Nige...

First of all I would like to apologise for my somewhat sporadic blogging over the last week.  Real life has a habit of getting in the way of seeing your name 'up there in bytes'.  Between trying to sort out a new office, writing proposals and cooking traditional fruitcakes as Christmas gifts (5 down 3 to go) my super bloggy-sense has been a little usurped.  That on top of the ghosts of blogging past coming back to haunt me has led to a definite lack of focus on my daily log.

As I was adding the whisky to yet another mix, and listening to Radio 4, I heard the news that UKIP have gifted the Conservatives the next election.  Nigel Farrage was a pain in the ass - but perhaps a necessary foil to blind pro-Europeanism nonetheless, and effective in a debate to boot.  As a vehement anti-conservative, still nursing her wounds from the nightmare that was Thatcher's 80s, the news that UKIP may choose an unelectable peer as their new leader appears to me to be the guarantee that the ever-vacillating-on-Europe Tory party needed.

Cameroon and her goons armed with their schizoid European attitudes have spent much of their time ducking the well dug in anti-europa lobby within the Conservative gang; a significant faction that were willing to spank their own party by placing their cross alongside any UKIP candidate.  Without Farrage UKIP will struggle to capture their natural audience - dissatisfied anti European Tories; most of whom would struggle to name another prominent UKIP member, never mind 67 year old Lord Pearson of Rannoch.  So we move inevitably one step closer to a Conservative future.

The next election is increasingly looking more like an exercise in swapping Blue Labour for Green Conservative - new faces and the same old shit.

It looks like I'll be spoiling my ballot paper, again - I wonder what abuse I can come up with this time?

Thanks a lot Nigel...

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Does buying inward investment make sense?

  • 1991: Dell open plant in Eire - Irish government (& EU) give Dell grant of €55million
  • 2009: Dell close plant in Limerick - now the 2nd largest employer in Eire, 2840 laid off
  • 2009: Dell announces poorest performance figures ever - Reporting a 54 percent drop in net income and a 15 percent decline in revenue
  • 2009: Dell receives EU approval for another €55 grant - For a plant in Lodz, Poland, opened in 2008. The main beneficiary of the closure of the Limerick plant. The Irish government spends €23million in support packages for redundant Dell workers (€14million comes directly from EU)

Correct me if I am wrong but that is just a transfer of jobs from one area within Europe to another, which nets Dell another €55million, whilst costing us €14million mopping up the mess they left in Eire - isn't it?

Is this a price worth paying to prop up a mercenary American corporation in cahoots with a corrupt and toothless European Union money-pit?  It appears to me that often there is only one winner when it comes to free trade within the EU, and it isn't the citizens...

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

RGU gets new logo

Woof Woof

Microsoft Windows? That's so 20th century - try Tables

In their increasingly desperate search for the next 'big' thing (sorry), it looks like Microsoft really have lost their direction - It's called Microsoft Surface, and it is real! (why didn't they just call it Table?)

The video on the other hand, is a parody, and sums up Microsoft's furniture based computing concept better than Microsoft ever could.  On the up side at least the device could be the focus of a launch party; table top dancing, or - wait for it; as a surface for your drinks and nibbles.  Is there no end to their creativity? Those crazy Microsoft boffins demonstrate yet again that desperation really is the father of innovation...

What has four legs, a blue screen and needs rebooted twice a day?
'Gestures'?  I know what gestures I want to make...

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

They're coming to take us away, down, erm... challenge us

Many are ruminating over the end of blogging, although this does seem to be a peculiarly Scottish obsession currently, exemplified by a number of prominent veteran Scottish bloggers (if there can be such a thing) hanging up their keyboards in the last six months.  I noticed with disappointment a few days ago that one of my favourite bloggers  J. Arthur MacNumpty, celebrating his fourth year of blogging, was a little under the weather - introspectively reviewing his own reasons for blogging.

He touched on his ambiguous feelings on the Wardog assassination, some of which I share.  The comment thread makes interesting reading, amongst the mainly supportive comments was the 'oddity' posted by anonymous (picture on right, click to enlarge); ahh good old Anon - as ever it was, strident opinions from anonymous, and the courage of his/her convictions...

Now call me paranoid, but that looks like the rantings of a MSM drone to me; and confirms some suspicions I have.  Apart from the obvious ignorance of this dick - the comment holds a mirror to the last spastic death throes of the pathetic Scottish printed meeja in a way most bloggers fail to; reflecting a death we are witnessing in all its public grotesqueness every day.

The nub of this reflection? Journalists, professional wordsmiths with barrels of ink, are comparing themselves to amateur bloggers.  Bloggers come from a range of backgrounds, but in the main are not those who write for a living;  if they did they would be doing just that - in an official capacity, one that generates income - something blogging certainly doesn't for the vast majority.

Bloggers are frustrated citizens with opinions, often strident, that they wish to express - like or hate these opinions they're as valid as those of any other member of this fractured country - and at least bloggers are willing to stand up, be counted, challenged and debate - an immediate right of reply that Scottish news publications and their laughable websites fail to offer; that's how much confidence they have in the professional tripe offered up as insightful news.  Mr Anonymouse you do yourself and your risible industry damage when you make that comparison - calling for bloggers to be bound by your own pathetic voluntary codes of practice just highlights in stark relief this damaging comparison.  Damaging for the MSM, flattering for bloggers - but wrong nonetheless.

Bloggers should not be bound by the hypocritical codes of practice that allow news publications to wield their "barrels of ink" to lie, fabricate stories, destroy lives, insinuate, manufacture news by their own actions and invade privacy with impunity - but not swear.  Your industry has been judged and found wanting, exemplified by the lack of consumers for your particular brand of Scottish broadshit doublespeak.  You are no longer the voice of the nation, nor the voice of a Scottish city; your circulation figures speak of a small hamlet in the Scottish highlands, on a good day.

For the purposes of clarification - it is my opinion that the majority of the thinking Scottish public believe most journalists are bullying cunts who do not like nor believe in free speech.  Our opinions? just irrelevant nonsense, and if we speak against you, you threaten us with your "barrels of ink".

Looks like the MSM has declared war on bloggers, I quote:
"Now, this is not an attack on opinions. It's a challenge to bloggers"
In the words of INCOMING - Heads up!

Monday, 23 November 2009

The view from across the pond

You may have seen this before, it's new to me however - and made me laugh.  After an intensive weekend, I though a bit of light(ish) relief was in order, enjoy -

"Good morning America, how are you? This is your favourite son, Chad Hanging, reporting. The President of Englandland, Norman Brown, is arriving in our nation's capital this afternoon to meet with President Obama. But just who is this guy? Let's cross to our special correspondent in London."

"Hey, Chad. As you can see, I'm standing in the world-famous Trafalgar Circus, with the House of Fayed directly behind me."

"So what can you tell us about Norman Brown?"

"Well, Chad, he has been President for a couple of years now. He used to be Chancellor."

"What, you mean he's, like, German?"

"No, that's what they call their Treasury Secretary over here."

"And is he a Conservative, like President Tony Blair?"

"No, Chad. He's Labour. President Blair wasn't a Conservative, either. He only pretended to be."

"So how did Brown get the job?"

"He just kept shouting at President Blair until he stood down."

"But he won an election, right?"

"No, Chad, there wasn't an election. He did think about calling one, but decided against it because he was frightened he might lose."

"How can you change Presidents without having an election? I mean, it's not like President Blair was assassinated."

"That's just the way it works in Englandland. The leader of the party with the most seats in the House of Lords gets to be President."

"So Norman Brown was elected leader of the Labour Party?"

"Negative, again, Chad. He did raise money and have a leadership campaign, but no one stood against him."

"What, nobody? No primaries, no general election, nothing?"

"Affirmative, Chad."

"Let me get this straight. His party hasn't elected him, the country hasn't elected him, yet he still gets to be President. Sounds like a tinpot Commie dictatorship to me."

"You could say that, Chad. Norman Brown doesn't really like anyone being given the chance to vote on anything."

"Someone must have voted for him, some time."

"Oh, yes. He was elected to the House of Lords by his constituents in Scotchlandland."

"He's Scotch, then?"

"That's a big Ten-Four, Chad."

"So is he President of Scotchlandland, too?"

"No, that's a guy called Alan Salmon."

"Hang on, if Brown's from Scotchlandlandland, how can he be President of Englandland?"

"That's just the way it goes in this crazy country, Chad. Brown can make laws for Englandland, but not for his own people in Scotchlandland. Not that it matters much because Brown has signed away most of Englandland's lawmaking powers to unelected European bureaucrats in Brussels, Belgiumland."

"That would be like stripping Congress of the power to make laws in America and handing it over to Mexico."

"I guess so."

"How in the Hell did the people of Englandland vote for that?"

"They didn't. Brown wouldn't let them, even though it was a solemn promise in his party's manifesto the last time people were allowed to vote."

"Couldn't the Supreme Court have stopped him?"

"Not really. The Supreme Court of Englandland is now in Strasbourg, where the geese come from."

"Isn't there any opposition?"

"There's a guy called Boris."

"Sounds Russian."

"I wouldn't be surprised, Chad. There are millions of Eastern Europeans living here now, mainly in Peterburl. Englandland has seen mass immigration over the past ten years, but no one voted for that, either."

"What in the name of Ulysses S. Grant is going on over there, Brit? We're talking about the country which gave us Magna Carta, saw off the Armada, stood alone against Hitler and invented parliamentary democracy. How does Norman Brown get away with it? He must be a popular guy."

"Far from it, Chad. According to the latest opinion polls, he's the most unpopular President ever. His approval ratings are even worse than George Dubya Bush. There's talk about him having to stand down soon. He's already promised the job to some guy who works for him - name of Balls."

"Say again, Brit, you're breaking up."


"You're damn right there, buddy."

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Blogger "Wardog" hung out to dry

The ex-blogger formerly known as Wardog has been hung out to dry today by the mainstream media.

The Scotsman, a well known brand of toilet paper of last resort in Scotland, reports that Wardog; blogger, architect and designer Bruce Newlands, is "being investigated" by Robert Gordon University, where he holds a part time lecturing position.  What "being investigated" actually means, the reasons for the investigation and details of who instigated it are conveniently omitted from the story, why complicate it with facts after all - it may just be an unfounded claim and we wouldn't want that in a national Newsfaker would we?

Wardog is an architect who runs his own practice, so obviously the MSM couldn't grass him off to his boss there.  Using his finely honed super-hero investigative skills, which are usually prominent by their absolute absence, the Scotsman's indolent Scottish Political Rewriter in chief Tom Peterkin no doubt Googled Wardog's name, prominently displayed on the "About" panel of his blog, to discover his lecturing position at RGU.

Bruce became aware of just how low the mainstream media are willing to go when the Scotsman and the News of the Screws contacted him last week to say "na na na na na, we know who you are" and ask him to comment on his language and observations, before they attempted to destroy him by running off to the university authorities to report one of their lecturing staff for using a sweary word.  After all he had used the c*** word and had the cheek to assert, they alleged, "unfounded claims."
A man who has uttered the cunt word in a blog actually teaches cheeldren - well that's a shocker, the outrage of those self righteous hypocritical hack bastards is beneath contempt.  And of course we've never seen speculation, unfounded claims or opinion poorly disguised as news in our august national news organs, have we now?

Wardog had perhaps ill advisedly referred to horsey faced cunt Jim Murphy MP as a cunt in a post last week.  The reprisal? -  an act of intentional violence against a vociferous pro-SNP blogger, resulting in problems at work, the closure of his blog and an overt attack on his professional standing in Scotland.

Wardog and I rarely saw eye to eye on politics, but he was a fun and well informed commentator with a Nationalist slant and did not deserve this.

I fear this is indicative of a campaign by a lazy MSM to hold the blogosphere to account, or perhaps they just resent the fact that political debate goes on outside their mediocre newspapers and websites, I don't know - but I do know that their desire is to impose press reporting standards on all of us. I don't know if I personally can go that low.

The MSM demonstrate yet again, just how out of touch they are with the modern world - the sooner that oft predicted demise happens the better it will be for all of us...

EDIT:  One thing that is worth bearing in mind is that the press are adopting an easily replicated model for generating lazy non-news through this type of action against bloggers (Nightjack and Belle de Jour).  Simply out a blogger with strident opinions or an interesting story - report them to a concerned employer or interested party and voila, you have a story.  Cheap column inches, and a chance to kick back at new media - be warned.

Another nail in the coffin of blogging?

Saturday, 21 November 2009

For scunnert

Here's hoping for a shitty c.unt day for all those deserving recipients, and to their imminent demise; preferably brain cancer, though peeled and salt dipped works for me ...

A special shout out to journalists in teh Scottish meeja:

Hell reserves a special place for you, aspirational filthy skid marks on the pants of journalism. Narrow minded hacks who believe in their own omnipotent supery doopery powers, you know; self appointed, single-handedly securing public safety, enforcing moral rectitude and leaping fallen barstools in a single stagger - go fuck yourself. Hypocrisy is your byline, your byword and will be your downfall; you make politicians look bleached, starched, clean and wholesome...


Arrogant, spastic, snivelling onanists abound; in a virtually unreal world in the unreal real world.

Paranoia, fantasy, a well developed persecution complex, nurtured as only a sociopath can; do not a pretty person make.

The burden of proof lies upon him who asserts it; by the nature of things, he who denies a fact cannot produce proof.

Go forth and express yourself; milked of all ideas your paranoia stands as the pathetic homogenised remnants of a life worth leaving

Do us all a favour...

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Fresh fish anyone?

Some of the more bizarre far eastern cuisine culinary delights are hard to swallow; snake blood, beating hearts, dogs, cats, toads and fatally poisonous fish eaten raw amongst others are just a bit too "icky" for our more refined western palates.

Below is a video of a Chinese carp dish, now as I mentioned here previously I thought I had seen it all when it comes to carp.  That was a German dish, they are plainly amateurs - the video features what has got to be the most inexplicable cooked fish dish - I must warn you it is not for the faint hearted...

Return to sender

Courtesy of the Huffington Post, I hear tens of thousands of children all over the world who write letters to Santa at the North Pole this Christmas are unlikely to get a response from Santa Claus or his helpers.

The U.S. Postal Service is dropping the service begun in 1954 in the small Alaska town of North Pole, where volunteers open and respond to thousands of letters addressed to Santa each year. Replies come with North Pole postmarks.

A U.S. Postal Service spokesperson said the decision was made to suspend 'Operation Santa' after a postal worker in Maryland recognised a volunteer as a registered sex offender.

What the hell are the USPS thinking?  How far will we go to exercise our illogical aversion to all real or imagined threats to our children? Am I the only one that thinks the fact that the majority of offences against children are committed by family and friends coupled with the fact that the bulk of the remainder are committed by non-registered offenders should be taken into consideration here?

How far do we take this insanity - should all children be taken from their families at birth, locked in state institutions staffed by robots and forbidden contact with the perverted adult population? Mind you I suspect those suspiciously risk averse adults, who spend their professional lives imagining more and more bizarre threats to our kids, are pretty close to announcing just such a policy before next Easter.  After all what could be more suspicious than adults dressed in dodgy Bunny suits giving chocolate to children?

Santa and his Elves are to be made redundant, the length of service payment component of their redundancy is expected to amount to billions of dollars.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

This mortal coil

A song that in my opinion has to be the best ever by a Scottish performer: The sublime Liz Fraser and Robin Guthrie (The Cocteau Twins), from Grangemouth, show Tim Buckley how to do it...

Oh and I would like to apologise for my behaviour at the Caley Palais in 1984...

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Déjà vu

Now the dust has settled after the Glasgow North East by-election I thought I'd have my last wee poke at the SNP - now what was it Alex said after the Glenrothes by-election?

Let me remind you, courtesy of the Guardian on the 8th November 2008:

Alex Salmond shouldered the blame for the Scottish National party's failure to beat Labour in the Glenrothes by-election, admitting he had been out of touch with voters and outpaced by his opponents.

As his stunned colleagues absorbed their unexpected defeat, the SNP leader and first minister sought quickly to take the sting out of the result by taking personal responsibility for the campaign.

An unusually contrite Salmond admitted a series of personal and tactical errors by himself and his party: he had failed to recognise how effective Labour's attacks on his party's policies in Fife had been, failed to engage with voters, and failed to react quickly enough to Labour's tactics.

"That's my fault, for not having my finger on the political temperature in that constituency," he said yesterday, less than 48 hours after declaring the SNP would win Glenrothes. "Perhaps I should've spent more time on the doorstep to see how the temperature was changing. "

The significance of the setback to the SNP was underlined by Labour victories in two council by-elections elsewhere yesterday, particularly in the nationalist stronghold of Baillieston in Glasgow East, where the SNP had overturned a 13,500-Labour majority at the by-election in July.

Even so, Salmond insisted that Labour's success had been based almost entirely on "dishonest, disreputable and scaremongering" attacks on one single policy - the council's introduction of hefty home care charges for a small minority of voters.

The SNP failed to realise how successful Labour had been in exploiting £11-an-hour charges for home help, and a £51 charge for home alarms. They also failed to effectively rebut Labour's allegations, even though only a few hundred people were affected, or point out that 30 other councils in Scotland had similar charges.

In a rare admission, Salmond acknowledged that Labour's tactics were extremely effective. "The campaign fought by the Labour party was a negative, scaremongering campaign. It was a successful campaign, so we've lessons to learn about how we come back in future," he said.

The extent of Labour's unexpected victory became clearer after party sources said their most optimistic estimate was they would receive 14,500 votes. On the day, Labour polled 19,946, up more than 3% from their vote in 2005. That, said Salmond, was "remarkable".

The SNP had hoped for around 14,000 votes. In the event, it polled 13,209, still a 5% swing from Labour. But Labour had found 5,000 extra voters, a gap too wide to bridge. It was Labour's best Scottish by-election result in 30 years, said the Scotland secretary, Jim Murphy; Glenrothes showed the SNP's extended honeymoon with voters since taking power in Edinburgh last year was over. "It's a vindication of Gordon Brown, it's a humiliation for Alex Salmond. We have to get back to the business of governing."

Salmond said: "We had a setback yesterday and while it's certainly true we've had virtually untrammelled political success for 18 months, nothing in political life continues in that vein forever. The job in confronting a setback is to learn lessons and come back stronger."

Sounds all too familiar to me.

Good thing that didn't happen again don't you think Mr Salmond? Forewarned is forearmed and the same mistakes were diligently avoided, well done...

Just the guy we need to preside over additional powers in an economy based on banking, he can forget those mistakes too...

Just a simple politician

The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills announced today that the Government Chief Scientific Advisor Professor John Beddington is launching a consultation calling for help in revising the 2005 guidelines on how Government departments obtain and use scientific advice.

This consultation will run parallel to the Science Minister Lord Drayson's exercise undertaken to clarify the "rules of engagement" around scientific advice to the Government, following the Nutt drug re-classification debacle.

Now I wonder - if the outcomes of both reviews are at odds with each other, as is more than likely, which one will dominate in setting the Government's commitment to "evidence-based policy making"?  I suspect the Ministers report will be the preferred option - yet more "policy based evidence making".

Politics is the only profession which makes no minimum educational or experience requirements, and it shows in their decisions and in the very news item announcing this largely symbolic consultation. I quote from the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills news item of today:
Notes to editors
  1. The consultation will remain open until 9 February 2009 and details are available at The guidelines were first introduced in 1997 by former government chief scientific advisor Lord May.

Our rather expensive 'skills' department responsible for "creating the conditions for business success; promoting innovation, enterprise and science; and giving everyone the skills and opportunities to succeed" obviously lack the basic skills to get the date for the end of the consultation correct, or insert a working download link (try clicking it).

That's maths and engineering innit? Sorry we're just politicians...

Friday, 13 November 2009

The heart of the Matter

We can trawl the web looking at space images, gaze through telescopes, binoculars or just lift our heads and look into infinity. Matter and energy are everywhere creating complex systems, order from disorder, integrating and disintegrating - the very stardust and energy that giveth and taketh life is near and far.  Unlike any other life-form on this little blue planet we are able to take that information and transform it. We can describe it, make images of it, measure it and fit it into equations that attempt to explain it.

This image looks directly into the heart of our own galaxy, the Milky Way, and leaves me bereft of superlatives. The rotational centre of the Milky Way galaxy is on our doorstep at about 25000 light years away.

This image [courtesy of NASA] combines three visions of the Milky Way's centre - a near-infrared image taken by the Hubble Space Telescope, an infrared view from the Spitzer Space Telescope and an X-ray vision from the Chandra X-ray Observatory. It was created to commemorate the International Year of Astronomy, which marks 400 years since Galileo Galilei pointed his telescope upwards in 1609, and realised just how infinitesimally insignificant we all are.

The SNP make changes to secure victory in future elections.

The newly appointed SNP election Czar, Gerry Mander, emerged from Jackson's Entry today to greet disappointed supporters.  To much acclaim he announced that the SNP will undertake an ambitious project to guarantee SNP success in all future Scottish elections.
"No more embarrassment, no more oor wee Nicola shifting about uncomfortably in a bastard BBC studio with that drip Murphy nearly touching her sanctified person, listening to the big horsey faced bastard spouting smug New Labour lies and negativity,"

"Hot on the heels of our new found zeal for civil engineering projects like windmills and new bridges, proper civil engineering - none of your weegie airport rail links - we are pleased to announce the largest civil engineering project in Scottish history."
"Under the guise of building a Clyde to Mull of Galloway canal we will provide full employment for all those Labour voting Glaswegian traitors for about two years.  Once the canal is flooded, the largest towing barge in the world, secretly under construction at Kishorn, will tow the whole of "TraitorLand"  into the middle of the Atlantic."
"We will then construct a tidal barrier from the Mull of Galloway to the Mull of Kintyre.  This will provide enough electricity to power all of Europe through the 13 Amp interconnect we are currently laying aff the back of the adapted Fraserburgh trawler "Insanity", on route from Eyemouth to Oostvoorne.  That and the oil will guarantee Bagpipes, Whisky, Tartan Dolls and Haggis for every patriot for generations tae come."
How dare they vote against us?

Friday the 13th - The horror

Table showing Parliamentary by-election turnout since 1997

Glasgow North East — Lab hold
Norwich North — Con gain
Glenrothes — Lab hold
Glasgow East — SNP gain
Haltemprice & Howden — Con hold
Henley — Con hold
Crewe and Nantwich — Con gain
Ealing Southall — Lab hold
Sedgefield — Lab hold
Blaenau Gwent — Ind hold
Bromley and Chislehurst — Con hold
Dunfermline and West Fife — Lib Dem gain
Livingston — Lab hold
Cheadle — Lib Dem hold
Hartlepool — Lab hold
Birmingham Hodge Hill — Lab hold
Leicester South — Lib Dem gain
Brent East — Lib Dem gain
Ogmore — Lab hold
Ipswich — Lab hold
Falkirk West — Lab hold
West Bromich West — Lab hold
Glascow Anniesland — Lab hold
Preston — Lab hold
South Antrim — DUP gain
Tottenham — Lab hold
Romsey — Lib Dem gain
Ceredigion — PC hold
Kensington & Chelsea — Con hold
Wigan — Lab hold
Hamilton South — Lab hold
Eddisbury — Con hold
Leeds Central — Lab hold
Winchester — Lib Dem hold
Beckenham — Con hold
Paisley South — Lab hold
Uxbridge — Con hold

Source: House of Commons Research papers 01/37, 05/34, 08/12; Press Association

Politically engaged? Looks to me like more than half of the UK population doesn't give a flying fuck...