Wednesday, 6 January 2010

The minister for street parties - pardon?

I was in the kitchen last night packing the shopping away, radio on, when I thought I heard 'The Dark Lord Madelson' announce in sombre tones that
"I am, none the less, very happy to take ministerial responsibility for street parties. Perhaps I shall leave others to take responsibility for the mugs."
"What the fuckety fuck was that" I thought as I turned to stare at my kitchen DAB in disbelief, frozen - looking for some kind of confirmation to quell my incredulity - wishing I'd bought the more expensive one with replay.

I wasn't sure if it was a comedy show I had mistaken for news - I did check the date, just in case I had tripped into an event horizon on the way back from Tesco and traveled forward to the 1st of April.

But no, it was genuine - noteworthy in its improbability alone.

While we're at it, let's get everybody else involved in the organisation of the celebrations for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee; what about John Prescott in charge of catering, Alistair Darling can look after fund raising (after completing an RBS Moneysense course), the Met Office can do the weather predictions and Gordon Brown can arrange the deckchairs...

The mugs? We'll leave the Labour whips to deal with those as usual.

New Labour are not exactly my natural first choice as the party Party; I imagine stray dogs eating Iceland party food off wallpaper paste tables lining deserted streets, accompanied by a tinny "Things Can Only get Better" playing through police van PA speakers.

If there is any natural justice none of these wankers will actually be involved in politics by 2012 anyhoo - much implausible ado about nothing, as they say.

Mandelson - minister for parties, I've heard it all - that's one of the signs of the apocalypse innit?


  1. You sure he didn't say "Minister of Patsies"?

  2. LOL scunnert, I didn't publish this last night as I had to check Hansard this morning...

  3. Aye parties, we know the kind of parties he likes to go to - bring a "fruit" cake!



    Anything to confound and confuse us. The magic circle must have been round Mandelbrot's place, over whatever ritual he celebrates at winter solstice, to get his smoke and mirror show up to scratch your eyes out.

  5. I have no idea how well the Prince of Street Parties will, or would, do his job but my intuition tells me that, if he had a blog with reaction radio buttons, he might well decide that they were better placed at the bottom of the page than at the top. It aint astrophysics.

  6. Ok Edgar - thanks for that dead subtle observation, I have now amended my reactions - and it's checkboxes not radio buttons on this blog.


  7. In mitigation Edgar I don't use them - usually.

  8. @CD - You think he is a fan of fruit cakes? Surely not - It'll be Cliff Richard next...

    @Incoming - I could picture him as a satanic priest sacrificing summit at a solstice service.

  9. " ...tinny "Things Can Only get Better" playing through police van PA speakers.
    Mandelson distancing himself from nu-labour while remaining in touch with the old working class, draping himself in The Monarchy.

  10. @banned - I actually pictured the scene with tumbleweed rolling through the streets whilst baton wielding coppers round up groups of tearful and frightened children - the Police PA playing a tinny "Things Can Only Get Better" interspersed by public service announcements instructing everybody to smile and enjoy themselves.

    Queen Mandelson - now that's a mental picture, and a half.