"I am, none the less, very happy to take ministerial responsibility for street parties. Perhaps I shall leave others to take responsibility for the mugs.""What the fuckety fuck was that" I thought as I turned to stare at my kitchen DAB in disbelief, frozen - looking for some kind of confirmation to quell my incredulity - wishing I'd bought the more expensive one with replay.
I wasn't sure if it was a comedy show I had mistaken for news - I did check the date, just in case I had tripped into an event horizon on the way back from Tesco and traveled forward to the 1st of April.
But no, it was genuine - noteworthy in its improbability alone.
While we're at it, let's get everybody else involved in the organisation of the celebrations for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee; what about John Prescott in charge of catering, Alistair Darling can look after fund raising (after completing an RBS Moneysense course), the Met Office can do the weather predictions and Gordon Brown can arrange the deckchairs...
The mugs? We'll leave the Labour whips to deal with those as usual.
New Labour are not exactly my natural first choice as the party Party; I imagine stray dogs eating Iceland party food off wallpaper paste tables lining deserted streets, accompanied by a tinny "Things Can Only get Better" playing through police van PA speakers.
If there is any natural justice none of these wankers will actually be involved in politics by 2012 anyhoo - much implausible ado about nothing, as they say.
Mandelson - minister for parties, I've heard it all - that's one of the signs of the apocalypse innit?