The head of Strathclyde's elite firearms unit SRaD (Square gos, Rammys and Doin's), Superintendent Bob Nesbitt announced the introduction of the Klingon sword the 'Bat'leth at a press conference held in the Scotia Bar last night.
"Tazers are all very well, but given the preference of our clients for inflammable sports gear and industrial quantities of alcohol, our trials of this weapon have shown that the average Glaswegian is more flammable than your average Molotov cocktail. There have been a number of unfortunate incidents involving individuals helping us with our enquiries being burnt to a cinder before we could beat a confession from them in the back of the van"
"After a review of available technology, and given the fact that the average PC already dresses like a Klingon leaving an arms fair, we have decided to issue 'Bat'leths. These are purely a non-lethal visual deterrent, like CCTV cameras. I have an assurance from the force training instructors that our officers will be trained to wave their swords about and shout Klingon expletives to ensure compliance in tricky situations."
"Our research shows that the 'Bat'leth is perfectly safe, the manufacturer, CBS Studios, assure us that in the thousands of deployments there has been no record of fatalities."
When the First Minister, Alex Salmond, was asked to comment on Strathclyde's plans he is reported to have said
"Glasgow? Where the fuck is that?"